I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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