How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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