No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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