theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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