I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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