i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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