Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize