I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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