I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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