Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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