Barsexuality is the new black.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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