I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize