Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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