you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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