this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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