sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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