Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize