Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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