My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize