drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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