Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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