i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize