girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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