I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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