so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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