she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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