I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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