Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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