There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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