Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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