i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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