I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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