I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize