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i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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