from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize