dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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