Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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