i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize