is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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