Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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