Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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