How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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