he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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