my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
are you so shy because you have an std?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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