i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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