I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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