I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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