I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
the raccoons are back...
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