You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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