sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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